偶而覺得我們離對方這麼近,卻相對無言,是什麼讓我們變成了最熟悉的陌生人?我們還能回到從前嗎?

有時候,不是愛情逝去了,只是我們都不夠成熟。

1我們都缺乏了…「坦誠」

「他一點都不在意我,不然怎麼會看不出我的落寞。」

 

 

有時候,不是婚姻冷卻了,而是我們都忘了向對方坦承內心。總是妄想他就是最了解我的人,是肚子裡的蛔蟲。曾有學者在 2010 年做過研究調查,邀請了55對情侶參與。參加者需為他們的伴侶提出評價,並由研究員轉交至另一半閱讀。

 

 

有部分評價內容在中途會被研究人員刪改,改成準確度「低」而帶有負面性的偏見。當另一半看完後,就會再對彼此關係的持久度而評分。

最後研究結果發現收到準確度較「高」和真實評價的人會偏向認為他們的關係能持久發展,相反接收到受過刪減的評價的參加者則會開始懷疑他們的關係。

 

 

2、因此「誠實」在一段愛情成為了一個主導角色

有時候為了無謂的面子或意氣用事,即使遇上懷疑或傷心的情況,我們隱藏、沈默、猜測,但往往真相比想像的簡單。當有無數小小的誤會加起來, 就足以搖動你對他信任的根基。

在生氣前,先冷靜再坦誠相告吧,畢竟你們是彼此最親密的人。

 

 

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3、我們都缺乏了…「距離」

「你這個星期天又跟朋友們打電動?不用陪我了?」

雖然他是你身邊最親密的人,但終歸是兩個獨立的個體,每個人都需要私人空間和私隱。心理學家 – 密芝根大學研究人員的 Terri Orbuch 博士自1990年開始她就參與一項有關婚姻的研究調查,追蹤了373對已婚夫妻超過25年,當中有46%的情侶最終離婚。

 

 

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而研究結果得知當中29%的研究對象認為他們之間沒有足夠的「私隱和空間,因而導致關係轉差,甚至比一段不滿意的性愛關係更具決定性。

 

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最好的愛情從來不是不分你我的合二為一,而應是透過對方踏進一個全新的世界。

戀愛期間,留一點時間給自己、給朋友、給家人,既能給對方喘氣的空間,同時讓自己不致喪失自主性,這才是健康的婚姻關係唷!

SOURCE : him_ella0618 / greenweddingshoes